He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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