The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
