I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
