They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
