I cut my penus on the lid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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