i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
