I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
