if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
