My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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