He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
