I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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