And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
