her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
