I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
