OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
