You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
