My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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