Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
