I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
