On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
