Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
