oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
