She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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