where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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