im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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