does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
