so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
