if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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