Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
