When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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