i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
