dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
