Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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