chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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