Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
