i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
