I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Panties = found
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
