come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
