My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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