Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
