This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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