I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
