I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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