Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
