I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
