You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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