new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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