My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
