What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
