My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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