The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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